Far From Neutral Notions - Philippine politics, culture and stuff

… and what it cost me

Few things could make me want to start pulling out my hair like my friends. Bar none, they are obnoxious, arrogant, self-centered and all-too-often opinionated. They are also supportive, non-judgemental and always ready to help. Typical, I’d think.

But — and I haven’t stopped asking myself this since… July? — the question is: are they worth it?

I wonder because I’ve lost the biggest part of myself that I didn’t even know I had until I met her because I couldn’t give my friends up. I couldn’t leave the people who were there for me in my darkest hours. I couldn’t cast aside the momentos of my past. I couldn’t make her the center of my universe.

And I couldn’t make myself good enough for her. So in the end, I went to the people I knew would take me in, would accept me no matter who I am, where I’ve been, or what I’ve done.

But I still don’t know if they’re worth it.

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